Project Runway Episode Five

In what may have been the best challenge yet, the designers get to makeover the favorite outfits of everyday women who have lost serious amounts of weight – we’re talking anywhere from 48- to, yikes, 160-lbs. Natch, the women, with their new and improved bods, want to flaunt it but their old duds are giant frights ranging from a scary, beaded polyester wedding gown, to an atrocious evergreen moo-moo.

Finally, kvetchy Christian nails the win with his fab remake of a black shirt and jeans. Guest judge, the talented Patrick Robinson, who hails from the likes of Giorgio Armani, Perry Ellis and Paco Rabanne, and is now is the head of design at the Gap, raves calling it "young and cool." Of course, Christian always has something outrageous to say. In this episode, he tells his client who has a less than ample derriere, “I’m not a miracle worker lady. I can’t make you have an ass.”

Steven is, uuucch, deservedly the biggest loser. He calls his client’s bad wedding gown “death on a stick.” He produces a grim frock made of black fabric that he purchases and then trims with bits of the dress. The judges describe the transformation as taking a joyful wedding dress and turning it into something a French maid would wear…to a funeral. It is really a dog, so goodbye to you, Steven.

The real loss on the show revolves around Jack, who, announced last week that he was HIV-positive, and this week gets sick with a raging staph infection that distorts his normally beautiful face. It’s beyond sad, and, there is a bit of cheap shot editing. That said, the show salves the pain by bringing back the fun, fabulous and yes, fat Chris. He understands the plight of the women because he has done his share of yo-yo dieting. Unfortunately, his inner costume designer cannot be tamped down and he designs a sailor suit that almost sinks like a stone on the runway.

Sexual innuendo of the night comes, remarkably from the dignified Tim Gunn. He urges Chris, who has to work through the night, to get his design elements down before sewing. “I’ve made more bad decisions at three in the morning than I can list.” Chris cracks up and others call out, “I want names.” Tim, embarrassed, says, “I really am an old fart. I didn’t even think of that.”

Victorya is soulless and isn’t even nice to her client. Ricky weeps . . . again. His client vaguely reminds us of Adriana on the Sopranos. Kudos to Kevin who makes his client looks like, “one of Charlie’s Angels.” As for our girl Jillian: great dress, but she didn’t use her client’s old clothes, replacing them with fabric of the same color. Michael Kors called it, “impeccable.” If she followed directions, she might have taken it.

– Anne Bratskeir

Week 4 poll results

Only four weeks in and we've got ourselves a favorite designer to hate. It looks like, from the results of this week's "Who would you auf?" poll that the more Ricky Lizalde cries, the more he gets voted against.

Of course, in real life, Ricky escaped the wrath of Heidi and friends.

58% Ricky
15% Chris
10% Sweet P
9% Steven
4% Elisa

Jillian Is The Leader of The Pack: Episode 4

At last. Long Island’s own Jillian takes the runway by storm and hands down wins this week’s challenge with the help of Rami and Kevin.

Judge Nina Garcia lays out the mission: Take three dated trends and turn them into a collection that is cohesive and relevant for today.

Each designer chooses their favorite horrid, old trend ranging from pleather to zoot suits, shoulder pads to fringe. Then, they cluster into teams of three, each nominating a leader.

Jillian plays boss lady to Rami and Kevin and she does it well. Their trends? Overalls, poodle skirts and 70’s flair. She rules her boys with an iron hand and an iron in her hand. Her collection – a sassy full-skirted dress, cute little short outfit and modern overalls (oddly, she is wearing not so modern ones), is so good that the judges don’t even bother with the whole who’s in and out suspense thing – the winner is clear. Jillian to the world: “You will keep seeing me in the top, and I will keep winning.” That’s right…own it.

But, trust us. There are big problems elsewhere. And few of them escape guest judge Donna Karan’s well-trained eye.

Ricky, who actually doesn’t cry during this episode, is the leader, but his teammate Victorya is a passive-aggressive beast who almost derails the team. At one point, she says, “I don’t mean to be a bossy cow.” Don’t milk it, sister. Ricky on the other hand, is helpful to her and edits her dress for the better. He is also sweet to earthy Elisa, who has never worked in satin. He figures out a way to speak her language – sort of nature-based psychobabble. His own dress suffers from lack of attention and is poorly constructed. Their collection highlighting neon, cut-outs and underwear as outerwear is by far not the worst but a tad clowny.

Christian as leader is, again flamboyantly cocky, and shows his disappointment when he doesn’t win for his decent takes on the zoot suit, pleather, and fringe.

Kudos to Steven for his Tim Gunn imitation: “Designers, I’m here to tell you that you’re screwed and there’s nothing you can do to fix what you’re working on. Carry on.” But levity cannot save the night for his team which must modernize dancewear, shoulder pads and baggy sweaters. Sweet P does a swell sweater dress and Donna loves it. Hearty Chris is both the leader and the loser. His mess of an evening gown with hideous embroidered jacket is all-out Dynasty. Michael Kors calls it, “Very bad pageant, mother of the bride.” It’s a sad day…Chris is out. Earlier in the day, he jokes that Project Runway should have a perfume…a mixture of blood, sweat, tears and Chinese food. He’s a funny guy. And as he walks off into the sunset he says, “I definitely hope that to this season… I brought fun. Because that’s what my life is all about.” We’ll miss him. –Anne Bratskeir

The Tim Gunn highlight, Week 4

Maybe the immortal Tim Gunn decided to mail it in this season. Maybe he's all about his own show these days. Or maybe he signed a big free-agent deal in the offseason and is loafing a bit.

But when the Tim Gunn highlight of the week comes from an impersonation of Tim Gunn, then we need to launch an investigation. Someone call Alberto Gonzales. Oops, never mind.

Anyway, props to Steven Rosengard for his impression of Tim Gunn in the workroom. It wasn't perfect, but his lines were pretty good:

"Designers, I'm afraid I'm here to tell you that you're screwed," he said. "There's nothing you can do to fix what you're working on. Carry on."

Episode Three: The Tiki Barber Affair

Sometimes reality shows push the limits too far and "Project Runway" did just that in episode three.

The challenge? In a day-and-a-half, design an on-air outfit for "Today Show" correspondent, Tiki Barber, the former Giants running back -- something conservative but cool that would fit his neck, skinny waist, and self-proclaimed "big butt."

Few of the designers had any menswear experience, and it showed. In the end, the looks fell into three distinct categories: Okay, not bad and absolutely horrible.

Kind-hearted Jack who shares his boxer shorts with other contestants to help them make their patterns -- he is almost nude in the workroom save for a towel -- wins it with a checked shirt and pinstriped pants. Tiki likes it and says he’ll be wearing it on the Today Show soon . . . we have our doubts but cannot wait.

We think Kit should have taken top honors with her navy fleece blazer, cool shirt and khakis, definitely decent. Kevin also gets honorable mention for his vest, pants, lavender shirt and pocket square. Heidi does not dig the look. “I would not like to see my husband in that,” she says. Kevin, no shrinking violet, retorts, “C’mon, Seal would look great in this.” So not happening.

Carmen deservedly goes home for her dreadful ensemble. Michael Kors says her pants look like something out of the film “Boogie Nights,” and adds that the “crotch is out of control.” She makes a horrid little jacket that sits at the waist, and Tiki frets that it would make his “butt look big.” Because she runs out of time, she throws a bolt of fabric around the model’s neck instead of a shirt. It’s shmata time and it ain’t pretty.

But, in fact, the challenge was just plain too hard and it wasn’t that fun to watch. Ricky’s angst is over-the-top and he wins the award for the contestant most likely to need a Valium. He completely bugs out and nearly gets “aufed.” Jack admits he’s HIV-positive. Sweet P designs a tie for a 7-footer (Tiki is 5’9”) and a shirt with a bizarro collar. Tiki’s wife, Ginny, floats into the workroom while the kids are sweating bullets and critiques. She is a little too mean and we don’t want to know that Tiki’s wife is the boss of his clothes.

For the record, hardly any of the contestants even knew who Tiki Barber was. Ricky admits it, but says, “He’s gorgeous.”

Steven sums up his knowledge of football with a fashionable flair: “It’s the one time on TV that spandex is acceptable.”

-- Anne Bratskeir

Week 2 poll results

This week, our beloved readers agreed with the "Project Runway" judges and voted to whack Marion from the show after he made that nouveau hula skirt/dress.

The results of our poll:

51% Marion
32% Christian
6% Carmen
6% Someone else
4% Steven