5/6 THE TRANNY DIARIES

Talk about a niche market. Tonight’s challenge? Create a new look for a drag queen. Hearty boy and owner of perhaps our favorite guffaw in the universe, Chris March (from Season Four), presented the mission -- you must remember the wonderful laugh and in the finale, his human hair adorned clothes – yes? In Viking garb complete with sci-fi sequin bosoms and horns, well, our fellow Chris was quite a sight.

The “models,” too, were something else with names like Hedda Lettuce, Farrah Moans, Sweetie, LeMay, Miss Understood and Annida Greenkard but far more bizarre than how they looked in drag, was seeing them sans costumes. Yeesh, they aren’t the prettiest gals, and without the glitz they’re regular, in some cases, nebbishy, guys.

Winner Joe got it right on the money when he decided to design a Halloween costume – like he would for his daughters -- though he went totally Pepto-Bismol pink on his model Varla Jean. His gal was going for an Ann-Margret meets Love Boat vibe and his cute sequined jumpsuit with belt that guest judge RuPaul said, um, “hid the candy,” was really charming and fit the persona. “It was a match made in heaven,” said RuPaul. Look, sometimes fashion must entertain, and this well-fitting bon bon did it.

As for Daniel, who was aufed for his dullard, normal, bad dress shop Flamenco style gown, well, we haven’t loved his attitude one bit during the show – hence the moniker Prima-Daniel – but we felt sorry for him in this particular challenge. He withers when criticized and had he been a little open to suggestion – well, it could have been Keith who got the axe for his tangled, sloppy Tina Turner wannabe rag that once again featured patches and strips. Michael Kors called it a “sad chicken.” Keith weeps uncontrollably when Daniel is booted, but we had to wonder if perhaps these were tears of joy, because he was saved for another day. Daniel is probably a sweet guy; hope he lightens up in real life.

We think Jerell’s sequin dress for LeMay with its fab pop-up lizard collar was clever, but the judges said it was a “yawn.” They kvelled over Terri’s Gene Simmons-meets-Diana Ross Kabuki job – for us, not so great. Korto really captured fire for Sweetie in her boom-laka-laka red confection – there was a real Divine quality there, and Stella’s Vivienne Westwood-dominatrix number was great.

The gang is getting sickalicious of Blayne’s overused suffix, and he was lucky to be spared tonight for his malfunctioning ensemble which Tim said looked like a “pterodactyl out of gay Jurassic park.”

It’s nice that these dresses will be auctioned off for charity by Broadway Cares and the proceeds will go to fight AIDS, but we’re wondering who’s buying.

Here’s the question of the night posed by Bravo. Who would you rather see in drag?
Michael Kors (he got 46% of the votes) or Tim Gunn (54%). We’re absolutely dying to know what you think. Let us know.

– Anne Bratskeir

Week 5 poll results

Honestly, people. You're a perfect 5-for-5 in disagreeing with the judges. They whacked Kelli Martin. Y'll disagreed.

It's getting a bit out of hand, but we love a good rebellious spirit. (Of course, none of this voting is scientific and the margin of error is roughly +/- every vote.)

The reader poll results from Week 5

45% - Daniel Feld
33% - Blayne Walsh
17% - Kelli Martin
nbsp;5% - Leanne Marshall

5/5 DRESS BROOKE SHIELDS FOR “LIPSTICK JUNGLE”

Ooh. Project Runway producers pulled out some serious stops for the challenge tonight: design a look that goes from desk to dinner for a high powered and professional woman. And who would that classy lassie be? None other than Brooke Shields, who in her “Lipstick Jungle” TV role as Wendy Healy, top movie executive, wife and mom, will actually wear the garment in the second season of the nationally televised fashion focused show. Huge for the winner.

Brooke consults with the designers -- picks six of the twelve based on their proposal sketches, and, here comes trouble -- they have to work in teams. There were egos, haters and a few surprisingly sweet moments.

First up, the massive “Jungle” bungles. Loser Kelli who teams with Prima-Daniel produced a hoochie mama leopard ensemble accented with royal blue. Michael Kors called it, "slutty, slutty, slutty." Brooke, who is not a meanie, is almost wincing when she comments on how cheap it looked. To be frank, it put the “w” in “working girl.” Team leader Kelli tells the judges that her partner Daniel should be aufed…they beg to differ.

Then, there’s Blayne's disastrous capri pant, with halter and jacket, that is so crazy wrong for Brooke and the character that it’s hard to fathom.
But if loving him is wrong, we don’t want to be right. Even though he is off the mark and as the Nina puts it “shows a reluctance to listen that is very bratty,” the kid is a stand-up guy. When asked by the judges if he or Leanne should go, he says, “This is an integrity issue... it should be me.” Very fine, but please Blayne, listenlicious next time.

The winner? A drop dead gorgeous frock – floral on top with a fish scale like skirt -- designed by Keith who is assisted by strong-willed Kenley. There was a J.Mendel meets Prada vibe about it – cool, sophisticated and expensive looking. Brooke could wear it and so could a lot of other women. We are wishing Keith would exude a touch more humility. And though Kenley is one bossy broad, she’s talented and adds some levity to the night when she cracks up on the runway as Daniel proclaims he has “impeccable taste.” Seeing is believing bud.

We’re happy that Jerell and Stella almost snare the win with their swanky silk animal print ensemble wrapped by a buttery leather cummerbund-like belt. Poor Stella was picked last – what a lousy feeling -- and Jerell was fantastically gracious about getting last pick. Their design blew many others out of the water. Yay, team.

In the attitude department – Terri, on camera, graphically questions Suede’s sexuality and was incredibly negative towards him until Tim said he liked the work. Not nice, Missy. Korto thought Joe was backstabbing her but in fact, we think he was gently and appropriately trying to get her to modify her overly voluminous silhouette.


It was no love fest tonight. Cannot wait for next week’s challenge…design an outfit for a drag queen. No kidding. – Anne Bratskeir

Week 4 poll results

Seriously, I'm really starting to think that you're all voting against the judges just to keep the streak going.

They whacked Jennifer in Week 4. Our readers went a different route.

51% Daniel
35% Jennifer
13% Jerell

5/Episode 4 The Olympic Games People Play

So it’s another field trip and quite a timely challenge: Create an outfit for the U.S. athletes to wear to the opening ceremony of the Olympic games. The kids are hustled off to the Armory Track & Field Center where a lone skater powers down the track, and hello, here comes Apolo Ohno, five time Olympic medal winner (no one mentioned Dancing with the Stars) who laid out the challenge and later judged, and man, he is one cool cat.

The designers get 30 minutes to examine archival Olympic looks at the Armory, and $150 to spend on fabric.

Was there brilliance buried within this episode? Would we score it a 10? Hmm, not so much. But Korto kept it lean and clean with her white ensemble featuring red and blue accents. She used lightweight leather as a vest, and her pants silhouette was fitted yet fluid. All in all, very handsome. And she won it, graciously declaring, “It’s about freaking time.”

The loser is sort of a sad sack case…poor, poor Jennifer. Her outfit, a gold pleated skirt with short embellished dark sweater didn’t emit a whiff of the Olympic games, but it wasn’t hideous – in fact, rather cute, but oh-so-off the mark. Daniel, whose prima-Daniel personality is really ruffling some feathers in the fashion coop, created a 40’s style fancy frock that was supposed to be blue but read purple. “Where is she from?” queried Michael Kors. “The Republic of Cocktail Land?” Later he added, “If her sport is drinking, this is a good dress.” God we love him.

Jerell was in the bottom this week for a mad look that involved multiple ascot ties, a floppy dotted hat and pinstriped skirt.

In our notes, we wrote, "ungapatchked" referring to the ungainly, overwrought, ridiculously weird look. Kors went Yiddish too, but he called it “meshugene,” as in really crazy. Even the Nina let him have it describing the outfit as “Mary had a little lamb.” Imagine, then, our athletic team marching en mass into the arena in this costume with every other country in the world looking on…baaaaa U.S.A. Back to the judges for a moment, Apolo was fabulous, thoughtful and knowledgeable – probably one of the best guest judges we’ve ever seen on the show.

So, the individuality medal goes to, once again, Stella, who is no phony. She buys black stretch fabric as the basis for her look and everyone thinks she’s nuts. She wants it to be, “bold, progressive, dynamic, like gladiators.” And if the judges didn’t like it, she planned to tell them, “A lot of bikers in this country watch the Olympics.” Jerell did Mary, Stella wanted “bad ass.”

Blayne does not know who the Beatles are much to Tim's chagrin. On the sorta’ funny side, his tanning issues, and the fact that he considered himself an Olympic athlete at tanning…though it only goes to the - ha, ha - bronze medal.

The annoying meter was going haywire on Kenley’s cackle, people were going insane. Also, did she or did she not throw her little boy Daniel to the wolves by instructing him not to add the cape to his look? Hmmm, we must ponder.

Finally, off the subject, you’ve all probably heard that mighty Heidi’s legs have been insured for some $2.2 million. Didn’t they look great tonight?

-- Anne Bratskeir

(Photo from BravoTV.com/runway)

Season 5/Episode 2 IT AIN'T EASY BEING GREEN

The challenge: use environmentally responsible textiles to create cocktail dresses for clients who are…the models. The bummer: The models, armed with $75, shop for fabric and trim and have absolutely no idea what the heck they’re doing.

A bunch bought this vile, glossy brown organic satin, which was the undoing of one contestant. Poor, sweet Wesley got the boot for his overwrought, ill fitting number that Michael Kors said looked like 27 hands had been all over it. Leanne’s loopy, too-many-tricks mini was second to worst. So sad… speaking of which…the water works were on tonight with Korto’s near breakdown when her darty dress was criticized, to Leanne’s girlish sobs, when her model didn’t back her up, saying that the dress she created was not really what she wanted.

Onward to happier fashions and moments: Kenley’s lean, ladylike cocktail number in champagne was elegant, but Suede’s girlish tulle skirted frock of ivory satin and red strips won. Guest judge Natalie Portman, who is an environmental activist and a designer for vegan shoe line Te Casan (pricey but very stylish) as well as a fashionista (and did we mention, a Long Island girl), loved, loved Suede’s confection. Beneath the blue Mohawk and the overuse of the third person, “Suede is a bisexual Sagittarius…. Suede rocks…” well, we sorta’ like him, and thought the dress was really cute.

Stella redeemed herself tonight imbuing her rocker chic attitude into an asymmetrical shoulder silky mini. Her model loved it. But, um, Long Islanders, was it us? Or were the contestants making fun of our famous accents? We forgive, because Stella of Astoria speaking the Queen’s English is sort of hard on the ear as in “letha” this, “letha” that (yes, that would be leather). But Blayne really went to town…you don’t hear us speaking Leprechaun, do you Blayne? Stella was a good sport about the ribbing.

Truth told, we’re kind of liking Blayne too – what a character – but we must question his judgment. Is it wise to call Heidi Darth Vader? As he put it “all shiny on the outside, but Darthlicious inside.” Hats off to him, Terri, Daniel, Joe and Emily for the good work, while we’re thinking Jennifer did shmata and Jerrell did hoochie mama.

– Anne Bratskeir

(Photos from BravoTV.com/runway)

Episode 5/1: Gristede's and tablecloths

It’s baaack.

The first episode of Project Runway had it all – the pretty, the weird, the nerdy, the Goth, the over-inflated ego… you name it. To be honest, we found ourselves missing our curly-haired girl, Jillian Lewis, from Selden, and the entire cast of Season 4, but we know, we know, we’ve got to move on.

The challenge: create a look from items purchased at a grocery store with a budget of $75. The problem: many of the contestants bought tablecloths . . . not risky enough for Tim or the judges, who included Season One contestant Austin Scarlett who came off frothier than a double latte, but in the end was quite a good judge.

In terms of geography, Stella, billed as the rocker chick, from Astoria, is our girl. But she came close to being the first designer to go. She feared if she were, she would be known, and we quote, as “the biggest jackass of the nation.” Stella chose cheap trash bags to do her version of something leather. It didn’t work. For a while we thought she was just going to quit, but she pulled through with a pretty unimpressive trash bag dress that evoked, well, a trash bag. Heidi said it was “butt ugly.”

Jerry of Montana took the bullet and unfortunately took the phrase, “dressed to kill,” literally in an outfit of shower curtain and rubber gloves that prompted Michael Kors to say it looked like something out of “a slasher movie.” Bye, bye fella.

Who do we love… already? Kelli, whose tattooed arms conjure last season’s Sweet P, and whose clever vacuum cleaner, coffee filter, pushpins dress was the winner. Nerdy Leanne, who is way out of her element but created cuteness with candy -- Daniel who molded royal blue plastic cups into a bombshell dress -- Joe whose pot holder-pasta dress was adorable -- Terri for her mop top cropped sweater -- Jerell for his paper umbrella embellishment -- Korto for using lettuce and tomatoes as a necklace, and Emily for her spunk and bouncy ball collar.

Christian Siriano wannabe? Yeesh, the overly tanned Blayne, who is trying to trademark his “girlishess” exclamation a la Siriano’s “fierce.” Forget it. His weird bustier type thing of jump rope, drawer linens and windshield wipers prompted Kors to comment that his model looked like she had “an old diaper pushed in between her legs.”

And although we’re withholding judgment because his work is good, Keith gets suck up award of the night for telling Heidi that he always designs with her in mind. Heidi, credit to her, doesn’t really buy that jive, and on another note, is wearing micro minis and looks better than ever.

– Anne Bratskeir