5/12 NATURE CALLS, NO ONE ANSWERS

Yay. Boo. Once again Project Runway judges, who tonight included Marchesa designer Georgina Chapman -- her dramatic evening gowns virtually rule the red carpet these days -- could not make a decision. It’s déjà vu all over again – remember last season when they couldn’t auf Chris March?

So here it is Runway followers: Jerell, Leanne, Korto and Kenley will all make final collections (we know this because we’ve already shown them to you), but one of them will be out before the show at New York Fashion Week. We always feel sad when someone goes…but you gotta make a choice and that should have been tonight.

This show did nothing to enhance our opinions of any of the designers. As Michael Kors noted, “I don’t think this was their best moment.” The challenge was to create an evening gown inspired by flowers at the New York Botanical Garden. They had a budget of $250 and two days to work their magic. And honestly, if this had been last year’s crew, Rami, Jillian, Christian and even Chris, it would have been a total wow. But instead it was mediocre at best.

Jerell won the challenge with an empire gown of plums and purples that was badly constructed though somewhat interesting. Trust us, anybody with more than A-cup would have had to figure out another way to harness the girls. Leanne came in second with a lavender and blue job that had a pleated embellishment. The judges thought was soft and pretty but again, not well made (as in what the heck was the blue dust cloth aka bustle hanging off the model’s rear?) Korto’s gold and lace number seemed inspired at the start but turned out to be what Kors called a pageant dress, not even good. Kenley, who refused to take any mentoring from Tim Gunn, created an old-fashioned siren dress of snakeskin fabric with leaves hanging off the bottom…the Muppets meets creepy.


The underlying theme of the night? Hate-fest. Leanne, Korto and Jerell ganged up on Kenley, whose nasal whine, annoying cackle and inappropriate defensiveness almost, but not quite, made her deserving of their abuse. She’s an easy target, and we would hope that since they’ve all fought their own life battles (they all cried at one time or another), maybe they could have shown a little restraint in the meanness department. That said, she is hard to like. She behaved so horribly on the runway that Heidi chastised her, and Michael wondered allowed, “Imagine if a buyer says, ‘I don’t like that sleeve. What will she do? Take out a knife and kill them?” In the end, Kenley broke down too and you had to feel a little bit sorry for her, like when all the finalists had a group hug with Tim…except her. She sat in a chair by herself and watched them. Fashion can be pretty ugly. – Anne Bratskeir

5/6 THE TRANNY DIARIES

Talk about a niche market. Tonight’s challenge? Create a new look for a drag queen. Hearty boy and owner of perhaps our favorite guffaw in the universe, Chris March (from Season Four), presented the mission -- you must remember the wonderful laugh and in the finale, his human hair adorned clothes – yes? In Viking garb complete with sci-fi sequin bosoms and horns, well, our fellow Chris was quite a sight.

The “models,” too, were something else with names like Hedda Lettuce, Farrah Moans, Sweetie, LeMay, Miss Understood and Annida Greenkard but far more bizarre than how they looked in drag, was seeing them sans costumes. Yeesh, they aren’t the prettiest gals, and without the glitz they’re regular, in some cases, nebbishy, guys.

Winner Joe got it right on the money when he decided to design a Halloween costume – like he would for his daughters -- though he went totally Pepto-Bismol pink on his model Varla Jean. His gal was going for an Ann-Margret meets Love Boat vibe and his cute sequined jumpsuit with belt that guest judge RuPaul said, um, “hid the candy,” was really charming and fit the persona. “It was a match made in heaven,” said RuPaul. Look, sometimes fashion must entertain, and this well-fitting bon bon did it.

As for Daniel, who was aufed for his dullard, normal, bad dress shop Flamenco style gown, well, we haven’t loved his attitude one bit during the show – hence the moniker Prima-Daniel – but we felt sorry for him in this particular challenge. He withers when criticized and had he been a little open to suggestion – well, it could have been Keith who got the axe for his tangled, sloppy Tina Turner wannabe rag that once again featured patches and strips. Michael Kors called it a “sad chicken.” Keith weeps uncontrollably when Daniel is booted, but we had to wonder if perhaps these were tears of joy, because he was saved for another day. Daniel is probably a sweet guy; hope he lightens up in real life.

We think Jerell’s sequin dress for LeMay with its fab pop-up lizard collar was clever, but the judges said it was a “yawn.” They kvelled over Terri’s Gene Simmons-meets-Diana Ross Kabuki job – for us, not so great. Korto really captured fire for Sweetie in her boom-laka-laka red confection – there was a real Divine quality there, and Stella’s Vivienne Westwood-dominatrix number was great.

The gang is getting sickalicious of Blayne’s overused suffix, and he was lucky to be spared tonight for his malfunctioning ensemble which Tim said looked like a “pterodactyl out of gay Jurassic park.”

It’s nice that these dresses will be auctioned off for charity by Broadway Cares and the proceeds will go to fight AIDS, but we’re wondering who’s buying.

Here’s the question of the night posed by Bravo. Who would you rather see in drag?
Michael Kors (he got 46% of the votes) or Tim Gunn (54%). We’re absolutely dying to know what you think. Let us know.

– Anne Bratskeir