Project Runway: Episode One

It’s conceivable that Project Runway producers recruited a couple of patients from the loony bin to help balance the contestant pool this season. No offense to sweet Elisa, 42, from Pasadena, TX, but in the first challenge -- an at least 50-yard-mad-dash to three tents in Bryant Park stuffed with $50,000 worth of fabric, she goes psycho Mother Nature-style getting on her hands and knees grinding her fabric into the grass to “imbue it with a natural element.” That is some good TV.

The designers, an evidently talented bunch, all have to create an ensemble that defines them. Elisa ends up ditching the grass stains and produces a turquoise dress that is smashing in front, but bombs because of a frightening multi-color tail that smacked of well, toilet tissue meets a Piñata. It looks like she was “poo-ing fabric,” says Heidi Klum, articulately summing up the look. Nothing like a little bathroom humor. Elisa’s poor model trips down the runway, but the judges don’t nix her. Instead they axe appealing, regular gal Simone, 32, from San Francisco, CA, who does a fairly boring little empire waist number that is so badly made that judge Nina Garcia basically shines hot lights on the lass. “Why is the quality of construction so horrible?” she asks. We love the Nina but what did she expect the girl to say? “Bad construction is the new black?”

Okay, ones to watch include Rami, 31, who hails from Jerusalem. He wins with his swank gray sheath though he’s a tiny bit smug. There’s Selden, Long Island’s own curly-haired Jillian, 26, who is easily “in” with her coral pouf that features a fitted bodice. Then, there’s creative little Christian, (the youngest on the show at 22, from Annapolis, MD) whose asymmetrical hairdo is inspired by the tropical flower, Bird of Paradise and is filmed asking, “Don’t these bitches know I am way better?” Need we say more? He’s clearly miffed that he didn’t win though does get judge accolades. We did not love his camel/plaid ensemble and nor did Heidi, who admitted that it was growing on her only after peer pressure, and what appeared to be one withering look from Michael Kors that read, “Be quiet, look pretty, and say Auf Wiedersehen.” (Though, truth told, they really like each other in real life.) Also, for the record, Kevin, 30, of Fairfield, NJ wants us all to know he’s straight even though he’s a designer. Duly noted.

As for intentional comic relief, it’s all about rotund Chris March, whom we hope they’ll keep around if for nothing else than his fabulous laugh and endearing “whatever,” attitude. Monique Lhuillier, (for those who don’t know it, she designs glam evening wear and wedding gowns, and some call her “Little Oscar,” as in de la Renta), is darned poised on the show in her role as guest judge.

To note: the tattoo factor – who needs clothes? Sweet P, 46, has them everywhere, but we guess that was in fashion with the motorcycle mamas she used to ride with – for real. But almost everybody on the show seems to have at least one. We tried to count them all but couldn’t keep up. We need to be busier. – Anne Bratskeir